This summer, I have been deeply immersed in a practice of self acceptance. I have avoided using this tool for a long time, for fear of coming face to face with my many shadowy parts of myself(spoiler alert:We all have them:-)
One of the parts of me that I have been examining is my belief that I am somehow “less then”..”not enough” if I wear a bigger size/weigh more than what I have been conditioned to believe is acceptable(who are those people we allow to determine how much we should weigh without knowing anything about us…and why do we just hand over our power and buy into it:-( UGH)
I noticed my frequent resistance to looking in the mirror is a clear reflection of my resistance to looking at myself and examining the beliefs and conditionings that keep me in this perpetual loop of weight loss/weight gain.
I determined it was time to examine the wounded parts of me that find comfort in the consumption of sugar. I ask myself often:”Can I still feel my inherent worth when I weigh more than my ideal?”(or do I criticize, cringe and judge myself every time I see my reflection?)…”Can I still access self compassion? Acceptance in this state of gained weight?
Initially the answer to these questions was a booming,”NO!!!” However, when I decided to treat myself with a prescription of radical doses of love and acceptance prn(whenever needed) I gradually became more comfortable with meeting and greeting myself at the mirror:-)
I used(and am still using) weight gain as a tool, a teacher, guiding me, deeply grounding me into a relationship with self that is founded in self love/worth and acceptance. I am finding this to be SUCH powerful medicine(btw, I am learning medicine that TRULY heals is often in the form of self examination(beliefs, feelings, thoughts etc) as well as changing behavior.)
I am noticing the deeper I sink into self acceptance and self compassion the less sugar I want to consume…this isnt forcing my will to conform with what “I think” is the right way to eat…this is organically arising from a transformative loving relationship with self. Weight loss, I am discovering, is REALLY an inside job…a devotion to seeing the unattractive judgements I hold, the criticisms I keep, the expectations and limitation I assign to what beauty looks/feels like.
This is all a heaviness I carry…the burden of extra energetic weight that translates into body fat. Our cumbersome conditioning ,beliefs, feelings, constantly keep us trapped in endless, unsuccessful attempts to align with a weight that is perfect for each individual…a healthy weight that just organically arises from honoring the guidance of our highest self…tapping into acceptance, love, joy and peace.
I am DONE forcing my will on my body. I am here for the journey of learning and practicing greater self compassion, acceptance and broadening my perception of what beauty looks/feels like as a means of establishing and maintaining healthy weight.
What judgements/critisms do you say/think/feel when you look in the mirror? Can you maintain a sense of self worth when you gain weight? Do you know how to ACCESSaccess and FEEL self acceptance? Self compassion? Want to practice with me:-) I am interested in forming a Women’s Group to share our struggles and support one another in the process of personal self development. If you are interested, message me…I’m thinking the middle of September<3